Jesus Teaches a Variety of Students

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Then Jesus took his disciples up on the mountain and gathered them around him. And he taught them, saying,

"Blessed are the poor in spirit...
Blessed are those who mourn...
Blessed are the meek...
Blessed are you who thirst for righteousness...
Blessed are the pure in heart...
Blessed are the peacemakers...
Blessed are you who are persecuted...
When these things begin to happen, rejoice, for your reward will be great in Heaven."

And Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this down?"

And Philip said, "Will this be on the test?"

And John said, "Would you repeat that?"

And Andrew said, "John the Baptist's disciples don't have to learn this stuff."

And Matthew said, "Huh?"

And Judas said, "What's this got to do with real life?"

Then one of the Pharisees, an expert in the law, said, "I don't see any of this in your syllabus. Do you have a lesson plan? Is there a summary? Where's the student guide? Will there be a follow-up assignment?"

Thomas, who had missed the sermon, came to Jesus privately and said, "Did we do anything important today?"

...And Jesus wept.