| This year |
| All years |
1. The nicest thing about the future is . . . that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog . . . but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor . . . you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining . . . as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is . . . when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark . . . to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important . . . because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions . . . you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat . . . and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy . . . who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins . . . the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. . . like, it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says "It's only a game" . . . when their team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where . . .'happy hour' is a nap.
15. Be careful about reading the fine print . . . there's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that . . . not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years . . . we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness . . . but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Yugo.
19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint . . . you're probably dead.
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind . . . and the ones that mind don't matter.
21. Life isn't tied with a bow . . . but it's still a gift.
REMEMBER....
POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN
AND FOR THE SAME REASON"